True love of yourself
How often it happens that the worst vagabond, if he turns to God with a sincere heart, is saved rather than righteous pharisees. But the fact is that pharisaism and deceit is in the hearts of us all. That is why Jesus speaks about it in the Gospel. When a tax collector and a Pharisee went up to the temple to pray, the Pharisee prayed thus: “O God, I thank You that I am not like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, I give tithes of all that I get…” The Pharisee’s deeds were not bad, but what was his heart like? His heart was not broken before God.
The Apostle Peter said to the Jews on the day of Pentecost: “You killed God; you crucified Jesus!” They were cut to the heart… and they asked: “What shall we do?” “Repent, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.”
Indeed, the Holy Spirit comes each time we repent. Every day we make mistakes time and time again, we sin by thoughts, finding fault with everyone… We must stop: “Lord, forgive me, I am twice as bad. And if this person sins and causes offence, forgive him too.” But we immediately condemn our neighbour and think how good we are. Even little children have this way of thinking, without even learning it. We all are proud and blind, and we need to fight against it. Therefore Jesus says: “Deny yourself!” And He explains: “For whoever desires to save his soul will lose it, but whoever loses his soul for My sake and the Gospel’s will save it.” Man wants to save his soul relying on his own powers, without God, without Jesus, without His cross. But there is only one solution. Jesus says it clearly: we must lose our soul for His sake. Let us not pursue vain career. The first commandment says: “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “You shall love your neighbour as yourself.” However, we must love ourselves in the right way – so that we may be saved. I must love myself in such way as to keep the most precious treasure – eternal life – and I must desire this treasure for everyone, even for my enemies or murderers, like the saint martyrs. If I wish to love myself truly, I need to repent. This is pure love for myself – to put things in order in my heart. To give the first place to God and the cares of God, and to seek first the kingdom of God. This is holy egoism – I do not want just a little; I want everything. I want Jesus. And then, in the hour of death, we will be amazed at how great the love of God is and how much Jesus has prepared for us.
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